I've heard it said that you every guy you date or see, you learn something from him. I think this is true. Each relationship is different, so it is expected you will learn something new from each one. It's also best to treat each relationship as individual, never comparing it to past ones.
I think that is my problem. I have always compared current relationships to past ones, and that's where things always get messed up. Each guy and problem is different. It just sucks I learned this now, not before. I think I could have avoided a lot of mistakes with guys, but then again, doesn't everything happen for a reason? I'm not sure if I believe in that phrase of not.
A guy may not be a good guy for me, but he may be a good guy for someone else. Just because he doesn't think I'm the "one," it doesn't mean he isn't the "one" for someone else. I've always thought a lot of guys were assholes, but we didn't fit well. I'm still having trouble believing there are good guys out there, but I'm slowly converting.
Anyway, here's what I learned from past relationships:
-If there is no fighting in a relationship, I don't have much faith in it. Healthy arguing is needed.
-Good and bad needs to be shared. Period. No hiding emotions or secrets.
-It's not my way or his way. There needs to be compromise.
-Your friends are a reflection of who you are.
-The way you treat your mother and kids are also reflections of who you are.
-People make mistakes. But that doesn't need you have to have name-calling or bring up past mistakes.
-Don't let your friends tell you how to act in a relationship; it's between you and him.
-Let him have time with his guy friends.
-Cuddling is a must.
-No one is perfect. You need to accept the flaws and strengths and never, never try to change someone. Accept him for who he is.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Avoid tragic blame game
This has been the year of tragedies. Never before in my four years at Brockport has there been a local death or accident nearly every week. For some reason, there has been heartbreak after heartbreak this academic year.
A multitude of misfortune has hit home at Brockport with the accident of Bryan Parslow to the heinous shooting of alumnus Anthony DiPonzio to the unexpected crash of Flight 3407 in Clarence. There were incidents at other schools, like the death of Geneseo student Arman Partamian when he was pledging for the Pigs, an unrecognized off-campus fraternity.
This incident was tragic, as it cost a life. At 19, a person is filled with youthful confidence, and to die the way he did was a sad waste of life and unfulfilled promise.
As I was going through newspapers that covered the tragedy, a number of sources tended to blame the fraternity for Partamian's death. Though they were somewhat responsible for what happened to him, it is not wholly the unrecognized fraternity's fault.
I rarely ever see blame on the victim of an alcohol-related incident, especially in this case.
People need to know the difference between right and wrong. The Pigs had a negative reputation, so why did the victim choose to participate in their activities? I do not think the victim was so na've that he did not know what pledging involved.
Each person is responsible for his or her own actions. Any person can choose to drink or not drink. It can be hard to say no, but it is more than possible to overcome peer pressure.
One thing that caught my attention was the statement released by the president of SUNY Geneseo. His statement blames the Pigs, 100 percent, laying no blame on the victim.
"The Pigs recruited a good student like Arman Partamian and seemed to put him through hazing, which involved binge drinking," the president said.
The statement reads as if the Pigs coerced and forced the victim to partake in the rituals. Perhaps they kidnapped him off the street and forced alcohol down his throat. They may have forced alcohol down his throat, but I highly doubt they threatened the victim to go to the party that night.
In high school, students are educated about the dangers of alcohol abuse. At orientation at Brockport, students are again reinforced about the rights and wrongs of alcohol consumption. No student is in the dark going into college not knowing about the ins and outs of alcohol.
I think the victim was aware of the dangers of alcohol, but when you are with a great number of people at a party with lots of alcohol, matters have the potential to escalate quickly.
It is important for students, especially freshmen, to know their limits. There is a zero-tolerance policy for students under the age of 21. Let's face it - it's college, and students, especially freshmen, are bound to experiment with alcohol away from the watchful eyes of mom and dad. I'm not saying every freshman goes to parties and drinks, but a significant number of students do experiment their first year of college.
These students who experiment must be aware of their surroundings. It is of the utmost importance to know what you can handle if you choose to drink. You are the one who puts alcohol in your mouth; you are your own babysitter. Not your mom, not your friend, not your roommate. Only you can make the decision whether to drink or not.
It would be foolish to say every freshman follows the zero-tolerance policy. Instead of educating about sobriety, colleges should focus alcohol education regarding making good, safe choices. Times are changing, and so should the education these students receive.
If you go out and drink, be careful. Know your limits. If you don't, you may be the next victim of an alcohol-related incident. Don't put your family and friends through the pain and suffering because you did not have the strength to say no.
College should be about having fun and getting an education, not mourning the loss of a friend or classmate.
A multitude of misfortune has hit home at Brockport with the accident of Bryan Parslow to the heinous shooting of alumnus Anthony DiPonzio to the unexpected crash of Flight 3407 in Clarence. There were incidents at other schools, like the death of Geneseo student Arman Partamian when he was pledging for the Pigs, an unrecognized off-campus fraternity.
This incident was tragic, as it cost a life. At 19, a person is filled with youthful confidence, and to die the way he did was a sad waste of life and unfulfilled promise.
As I was going through newspapers that covered the tragedy, a number of sources tended to blame the fraternity for Partamian's death. Though they were somewhat responsible for what happened to him, it is not wholly the unrecognized fraternity's fault.
I rarely ever see blame on the victim of an alcohol-related incident, especially in this case.
People need to know the difference between right and wrong. The Pigs had a negative reputation, so why did the victim choose to participate in their activities? I do not think the victim was so na've that he did not know what pledging involved.
Each person is responsible for his or her own actions. Any person can choose to drink or not drink. It can be hard to say no, but it is more than possible to overcome peer pressure.
One thing that caught my attention was the statement released by the president of SUNY Geneseo. His statement blames the Pigs, 100 percent, laying no blame on the victim.
"The Pigs recruited a good student like Arman Partamian and seemed to put him through hazing, which involved binge drinking," the president said.
The statement reads as if the Pigs coerced and forced the victim to partake in the rituals. Perhaps they kidnapped him off the street and forced alcohol down his throat. They may have forced alcohol down his throat, but I highly doubt they threatened the victim to go to the party that night.
In high school, students are educated about the dangers of alcohol abuse. At orientation at Brockport, students are again reinforced about the rights and wrongs of alcohol consumption. No student is in the dark going into college not knowing about the ins and outs of alcohol.
I think the victim was aware of the dangers of alcohol, but when you are with a great number of people at a party with lots of alcohol, matters have the potential to escalate quickly.
It is important for students, especially freshmen, to know their limits. There is a zero-tolerance policy for students under the age of 21. Let's face it - it's college, and students, especially freshmen, are bound to experiment with alcohol away from the watchful eyes of mom and dad. I'm not saying every freshman goes to parties and drinks, but a significant number of students do experiment their first year of college.
These students who experiment must be aware of their surroundings. It is of the utmost importance to know what you can handle if you choose to drink. You are the one who puts alcohol in your mouth; you are your own babysitter. Not your mom, not your friend, not your roommate. Only you can make the decision whether to drink or not.
It would be foolish to say every freshman follows the zero-tolerance policy. Instead of educating about sobriety, colleges should focus alcohol education regarding making good, safe choices. Times are changing, and so should the education these students receive.
If you go out and drink, be careful. Know your limits. If you don't, you may be the next victim of an alcohol-related incident. Don't put your family and friends through the pain and suffering because you did not have the strength to say no.
College should be about having fun and getting an education, not mourning the loss of a friend or classmate.
Violence in school not a matter of insanity
This Thursday will mark the second anniversary of the Virginia Tech shootings, where 32 people were killed, and numerous wounded. This will be one of the most memorable tragedies in my college career.
Shootings like this happen too frequently. From as early as middle school to college and universities, no place is safe from the potential of a mass killing spree.
Last Thursday, two teenagers were arrested on suspicion that they planned a shooting aat their high school in New Mexico. One of the suspects told his family about the potential shooting, making the family contact the authorities immediately. Fortunately for this phone call, untold lives were saved from misfortune.
Why these people would want to kill others in the first place? There is the obvious answer of insanity, but there has to be more behind the story than the person is mentally unstable.
Do people really know who the person is behind the shootings? We are so quick to label him or her as crazy we do not take time to figure out why these shootings happen. Perhaps the person is tired from being abused by bullies.
Recently, I read 19 Minutes by Jodi Picoult. This book is about a shooting at a small-town high school. In the novel, no one imagines a misfortune this big could happen in a small town, as is often the case.
The suspect of the shootings is Peter, a boy who is constantly abused and tormented by his peers. Peter is not athletic, smart or popular. He does not wear the right clothes, nor does he fit in with the right crowd. The only thing Peter is good at is being the butt end of abuse and harassment.
Classmates pants him in the cafeteria, stuff him into lockers and call him fag. Peter believes the only way to end this hurt is to kill the people who hurt him, and he does.
Abuse like this is common in high school. I admit, I was never one of the popular kids, and I was fine with that because I was comfortable and confident with myself. But, I saw things my classmates would do to the uncool kids, which was horrible.
When someone has so much abuse thrown at him or her, there is no way to predict what reactions will take place. Our attitudes toward other people have the potential to have large, blowing effects, and if we are not careful how we treat others, tragic things may happen.
Being a teenager, or even a 21-year-old, is hard. We try to fit in with what we think is the popular crowd, hoping we will be accepted. In my school, the popular kids controlled everything from class council to athletics and the chorus.
But what makes the "popular" kids popular? It is because they wear expensive jeans or have money? No. It's a small group of people who have the talent to make people feel insignificant and unconfident. Image and perfection are everything to these people.
Do you want to know a secret? Life in the popular group isn't as cool as it always appears. People in this group have to keep up with the perfect image, always fearing that if nails aren't perfectly painted or there is an extra piece of flab, they will be rejected and harassed. It's stressful always having to look perfect and worry about what other people think of you. That is too much unwanted stress I would not want to handle.
Want to know what I say? Screw it. The only opinion that matters is yours, and if you care what other people think, you are ruining yourself.
In high school, I knew I wasn't part of that group, and I didn't want to be. I always knew I would find my group, and I found it at college.
Honestly, when I came to college, I did not really see any cliques. Everyone has the chance to have a fresh start, and I took advantage of that, as everyone should. All students are new, and no one knows anything about another.
If you are still waiting to find out where you belong, don't worry. You will find it one day; it'll just take some time until you are ready to let yourself be the leading lady (or man) of your life, not anyone else. Being yourself is the new trend.
Shootings like this happen too frequently. From as early as middle school to college and universities, no place is safe from the potential of a mass killing spree.
Last Thursday, two teenagers were arrested on suspicion that they planned a shooting aat their high school in New Mexico. One of the suspects told his family about the potential shooting, making the family contact the authorities immediately. Fortunately for this phone call, untold lives were saved from misfortune.
Why these people would want to kill others in the first place? There is the obvious answer of insanity, but there has to be more behind the story than the person is mentally unstable.
Do people really know who the person is behind the shootings? We are so quick to label him or her as crazy we do not take time to figure out why these shootings happen. Perhaps the person is tired from being abused by bullies.
Recently, I read 19 Minutes by Jodi Picoult. This book is about a shooting at a small-town high school. In the novel, no one imagines a misfortune this big could happen in a small town, as is often the case.
The suspect of the shootings is Peter, a boy who is constantly abused and tormented by his peers. Peter is not athletic, smart or popular. He does not wear the right clothes, nor does he fit in with the right crowd. The only thing Peter is good at is being the butt end of abuse and harassment.
Classmates pants him in the cafeteria, stuff him into lockers and call him fag. Peter believes the only way to end this hurt is to kill the people who hurt him, and he does.
Abuse like this is common in high school. I admit, I was never one of the popular kids, and I was fine with that because I was comfortable and confident with myself. But, I saw things my classmates would do to the uncool kids, which was horrible.
When someone has so much abuse thrown at him or her, there is no way to predict what reactions will take place. Our attitudes toward other people have the potential to have large, blowing effects, and if we are not careful how we treat others, tragic things may happen.
Being a teenager, or even a 21-year-old, is hard. We try to fit in with what we think is the popular crowd, hoping we will be accepted. In my school, the popular kids controlled everything from class council to athletics and the chorus.
But what makes the "popular" kids popular? It is because they wear expensive jeans or have money? No. It's a small group of people who have the talent to make people feel insignificant and unconfident. Image and perfection are everything to these people.
Do you want to know a secret? Life in the popular group isn't as cool as it always appears. People in this group have to keep up with the perfect image, always fearing that if nails aren't perfectly painted or there is an extra piece of flab, they will be rejected and harassed. It's stressful always having to look perfect and worry about what other people think of you. That is too much unwanted stress I would not want to handle.
Want to know what I say? Screw it. The only opinion that matters is yours, and if you care what other people think, you are ruining yourself.
In high school, I knew I wasn't part of that group, and I didn't want to be. I always knew I would find my group, and I found it at college.
Honestly, when I came to college, I did not really see any cliques. Everyone has the chance to have a fresh start, and I took advantage of that, as everyone should. All students are new, and no one knows anything about another.
If you are still waiting to find out where you belong, don't worry. You will find it one day; it'll just take some time until you are ready to let yourself be the leading lady (or man) of your life, not anyone else. Being yourself is the new trend.
Living the single, unpredictable life
I’ve forgotten how to be single. I thought it would be like riding a bike: a skill that you never forget. It’s been almost two years since I’m not seeing or dating someone right now. It feels weird knowing my time is my time, and I don’t have to rearrange time for someone else or share it.
I like the idea of not having to let someone know where I am all the time. I’m with my friends and family like crazy. They’ve all changed a lot the past four yours, and I’m enjoying getting to know them again and vice-versa. I wonder if everyone goes through these emotions after graduation. For once, I’m not worried about not having someone. Usually, when I’m looking, nothing happens, but when I’m not looking, someone always comes along. My main thing is getting a job right now.
Part of me thinks if I stayed with Dan, I could be engaged or thinking about it now. But I think if I were, I would end up divorced by 30. My sister’s boyfriend asked her to marry him after college, but she said no because she could see them divorced by 30. Now, she is 31, but she is single, loves her job and friends and has a great apartment. Most of her friends are divorced, but with kids. She is single and happy, while they are divorcees and miserable. With the different times, I think it’s better to wait, not rush into things. Rarely do I see early marriages like that last today. My mom was married at 22, and I can’t picture that right now.
I’m starting to feel a little helpless now with no income, unlike the past four years. I’ve been on a lot of job interviews, but you have to wait a month, then you get called back for a second interview, then you wait another three weeks, then get called back for a third interview. It’s a lot of waiting and not knowing. That has the potential to be fun, but scary.
I like the idea of not having to let someone know where I am all the time. I’m with my friends and family like crazy. They’ve all changed a lot the past four yours, and I’m enjoying getting to know them again and vice-versa. I wonder if everyone goes through these emotions after graduation. For once, I’m not worried about not having someone. Usually, when I’m looking, nothing happens, but when I’m not looking, someone always comes along. My main thing is getting a job right now.
Part of me thinks if I stayed with Dan, I could be engaged or thinking about it now. But I think if I were, I would end up divorced by 30. My sister’s boyfriend asked her to marry him after college, but she said no because she could see them divorced by 30. Now, she is 31, but she is single, loves her job and friends and has a great apartment. Most of her friends are divorced, but with kids. She is single and happy, while they are divorcees and miserable. With the different times, I think it’s better to wait, not rush into things. Rarely do I see early marriages like that last today. My mom was married at 22, and I can’t picture that right now.
I’m starting to feel a little helpless now with no income, unlike the past four years. I’ve been on a lot of job interviews, but you have to wait a month, then you get called back for a second interview, then you wait another three weeks, then get called back for a third interview. It’s a lot of waiting and not knowing. That has the potential to be fun, but scary.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Learning to listen to the self
A lot of people dream about becoming a rock star or living the happily-ever ending. In our dreams, we can be whomever we want, and no one can control our fate or destiny. We have the ability to transform into something opposite from what we are, the leading characters of our own lives.
But, is it possible to make dreams become a reality? I think so. Obviously, everything transcending from dreams to life will not be possible, but core of the dream, the true values of the dream have that ability. It is up to us to become the maker of our destinies.
I feel like I’m finally ready to take control of my life. I am ready to do what I want to do, in order to get what I want and go where I want to go. Go figure, I finally am learning to take my own advice. It took me nearly 22 years.
But, is it possible to make dreams become a reality? I think so. Obviously, everything transcending from dreams to life will not be possible, but core of the dream, the true values of the dream have that ability. It is up to us to become the maker of our destinies.
I feel like I’m finally ready to take control of my life. I am ready to do what I want to do, in order to get what I want and go where I want to go. Go figure, I finally am learning to take my own advice. It took me nearly 22 years.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
FML allows others to laugh at misery
FML. I hear this phrase at least 10 times a day, along with "That's what she said" and "IDK."
When I first heard FML, I had no idea what it was. My friend explained it was a Web site where people post and blog about unfortunate or highly embarrassing stories in daily life.
At first, I thought it was obtuse for people to post humiliating experiences for millions to see. I checked out the site, and I was hooked.
Everyone has had a FML moment where you are the butt end of a joke or embarrassed yourself beyond belief. But guess what: It is OK to have these moments. At the time, you may feel like you will never stop blushing or cursing, but these are the times that will be remembered with friends and laughter days, or years, down the road.
Honestly, whenever I am feeling sad or frustrated, I log onto www.fmylife.com and look at what funny, messed-up misfortunes are happening to people over the country. I laugh, and these stories put me in a better mood. For a second, I realize my life is not as bad as someone else's.
One of the most appealing factors about FML is its ability to make people laugh at others, but does this make FML a bully? We laugh at people for falling down or messing up simple activities in the bedroom. Though we are laughing at complete strangers, I don't think FML is a bully, but a reminder that daily annoyances and mistakes can happen to anyone.
Also, this blog helps people relate to one another. Though everyone has different tastes and personalities, a lot of common mistakes happen to us all. From getting rejected at a bar or discovering an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend is now gay happens to any and all. This time, though, you can relieve your frustration on a Web site, hiding your identity, instead of telling friends and family.
A lot of people admit the FML Web site is a bookmarked favorites on their homepage, checking it almost as frequently as Facebook or e-mail. Every day, I overhear conversations about friends asking other friends, "Hey, did you read about that story where …" The Web site has become part of daily conversation.
In the classroom, the Union or the grocery store, I continually hear people say "FML" when they drop a box or cereal or trip over untied shoelaces. Let's face it: FML could possibly be a candidate for a new word in Webster's dictionary.
There are numerous hilarious FML stories on the Web site, but I thought I would share some FML moments from friends, family and myself. To protect everyone's identities, I'm not using names.
• Today, I was heading back from Smokehouse with my friend, who had driven us. I was getting into the passenger side of the car and fell butt first into a huge, icy snow bank. With a bruised butt and wet pants that make me look like I wet myself, my friend started laughing. Two minutes later, she asks if I'm OK. FML.
• Today, I was driving to Westchester County from Oswego for a job interview. Two miles outside Oswego, the muffler on my car falls off, and I spend $300 for a rented car. I spent $300 dollars and gas money to find out they weren't hiring anymore. FML.
• Today, I went to my friend's house where all his family was having a huge family dinner. I went to the bathroom, and accidently clogged the toilet. I grabbed the plunger, but nothing happened. I called my friend, but he couldn't plunge well, either. He brought his mom to the bathroom, and she took care of the floating problem. At dinner, the whole family kept glancing at me. They knew about my bathroom incident. FML
• Today, I heated up water in the microwave. My co-worker comes into the office and screams, "FIRE!" Apparently, metal will cause a fire if put in a microwave. FML.
• Today, I was at the office and a man with a V for Vendetta mask walks by our door. I was the one the staff voted to sacrifice if he attacked. FML.
When I first heard FML, I had no idea what it was. My friend explained it was a Web site where people post and blog about unfortunate or highly embarrassing stories in daily life.
At first, I thought it was obtuse for people to post humiliating experiences for millions to see. I checked out the site, and I was hooked.
Everyone has had a FML moment where you are the butt end of a joke or embarrassed yourself beyond belief. But guess what: It is OK to have these moments. At the time, you may feel like you will never stop blushing or cursing, but these are the times that will be remembered with friends and laughter days, or years, down the road.
Honestly, whenever I am feeling sad or frustrated, I log onto www.fmylife.com and look at what funny, messed-up misfortunes are happening to people over the country. I laugh, and these stories put me in a better mood. For a second, I realize my life is not as bad as someone else's.
One of the most appealing factors about FML is its ability to make people laugh at others, but does this make FML a bully? We laugh at people for falling down or messing up simple activities in the bedroom. Though we are laughing at complete strangers, I don't think FML is a bully, but a reminder that daily annoyances and mistakes can happen to anyone.
Also, this blog helps people relate to one another. Though everyone has different tastes and personalities, a lot of common mistakes happen to us all. From getting rejected at a bar or discovering an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend is now gay happens to any and all. This time, though, you can relieve your frustration on a Web site, hiding your identity, instead of telling friends and family.
A lot of people admit the FML Web site is a bookmarked favorites on their homepage, checking it almost as frequently as Facebook or e-mail. Every day, I overhear conversations about friends asking other friends, "Hey, did you read about that story where …" The Web site has become part of daily conversation.
In the classroom, the Union or the grocery store, I continually hear people say "FML" when they drop a box or cereal or trip over untied shoelaces. Let's face it: FML could possibly be a candidate for a new word in Webster's dictionary.
There are numerous hilarious FML stories on the Web site, but I thought I would share some FML moments from friends, family and myself. To protect everyone's identities, I'm not using names.
• Today, I was heading back from Smokehouse with my friend, who had driven us. I was getting into the passenger side of the car and fell butt first into a huge, icy snow bank. With a bruised butt and wet pants that make me look like I wet myself, my friend started laughing. Two minutes later, she asks if I'm OK. FML.
• Today, I was driving to Westchester County from Oswego for a job interview. Two miles outside Oswego, the muffler on my car falls off, and I spend $300 for a rented car. I spent $300 dollars and gas money to find out they weren't hiring anymore. FML.
• Today, I went to my friend's house where all his family was having a huge family dinner. I went to the bathroom, and accidently clogged the toilet. I grabbed the plunger, but nothing happened. I called my friend, but he couldn't plunge well, either. He brought his mom to the bathroom, and she took care of the floating problem. At dinner, the whole family kept glancing at me. They knew about my bathroom incident. FML
• Today, I heated up water in the microwave. My co-worker comes into the office and screams, "FIRE!" Apparently, metal will cause a fire if put in a microwave. FML.
• Today, I was at the office and a man with a V for Vendetta mask walks by our door. I was the one the staff voted to sacrifice if he attacked. FML.
Friday Night Knitting Club
ough The Friday Night Knitting Club, by Kate Jacobs, has numerous treasures to offer readers, there are just as many drawbacks, as well.
The heroine, Georgia, raises her teenage daughter, Dakota, while running a knitting shop. Georgia has a small, yet close circle of friends who provide moral support, and all share a love of knitting.
The book is an easy read, yet it feels like readers have met the book's characters in other novels since there is no originality or full character development.
Jacobs simply introduces a majority of characters to readers, but she does not tell their full stories or history.
However, one thing Jacobs does well is allowing characters to tell stories from their points of view.
Instead of receiving a third-party narrative, readers are able to see inside character's heads, helping readers understand why the characters act the way they do.
Additionally, the plot is extremely predictable - mom and dad separate, mom relies on friends and daughter for support, mom and dad get back together and when everything seemingly falls into place, tragedy strikes.
Though the plot is unoriginal, the overall novel does provide a nice, simple storyline for readers who are not expecting something out-of-the-ordinary.
Knitting may appear to be a strange and old-fashioned hobby for young women, but the novel proves this is not the case.
Knitting provides time for women to share stories, hardships and life lessons with one another. This companionship and connection between the characters is the saving grace of the novel.
After finishing this book, it is probable readers, young and old, will begin to learn how to knit, trying to create their own knitting club of fun and moral support.
The Friday Night Knitting Club is a book to tuck away for a rainy day, but not one to take precedence on a bookshelf among classic favorites.
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